Author : Smt. Vanita Gangaram Purswani
Many Bahuranis now a days (please I am not saying for all) tend to behave like Ranis. It is the Saas that is the Rani and if a bahu just remembers that, she will be treated like a Royal Princess. She must bear a mind that, she is going to be new member in the established household that has its own routine and “Kaida Kanoon”. All the members there are not going to change for her. They are also probably under some strains as if to “make her feel at home”. I feel that if the bahu just “blend” herself into the new ways (whether she favour those or not) she will make a stand for herself and before she know it she will be able to discreetly impose her own ways which probably will be appreciated. She must do ”ha me ha” until such a time when her ”na” will be accepted amicably. She will be able to judge for herself when her time comes.
She must never create misunderstanding by cribbing about saas to hubby. All said and done. She is his mother after all. If the bahu does complain to her husband no matter how he reacts ( which will be either confronts his mum; pacify his wife etc) one thing is for sure bahu will be in minus 10 points in the saasu ‘s book and what is more important is that she will be minus at least 2 points in a husband’s books as well ! A lose-lose situation!! Isn’t funny, how if your mother chides you to no end, it is ok, but when saasuji so much as correct you very politely, you feel offended! You feel that she is finding fault with you. We must do away with the thinking. Here I must say that a few of my friends who have become saasuji are actually ”scared” of their bahu’s. I think that is very very sad !
No doubt, for girls to leave her maika and come to new surroundings with new ways etc. etc. is not exactly easy, but like I said she is the new addition to an ”established” household. Initially, she will not be able to move around so freely and live the bindas life that she lived before she got married. However, soon enough, everything will fall into place.
sometimes, when a mother-in-law has not been “very nice” to her daughter-in-law and sees that she is not retaliating, she will soon enough change her ways. She is a human. Mother in law in real life are not at all like “Lalita Pawar” & “Shashikala”of Hindi movie. Treat your mother-in- low like ”Rani” and take her ”not favourable” remarks if they are coming from your mother. Soon, it will become a proper mother and daughter relationships and you will not miss your ”Peko Ghar” anymore. WOUDN’T BE NICE?
At the same time, the saas should have some patience so that the bahu gets herself acquainted with new circumstances and adopt the new system and new ways of life. The saas should treat and explain her bahu like her own daughter if she makes any mistake/ error and omission. The saas should have positive thinking and should give some space so that her son and bahu have their personal life too. The saas’s primary concern and should be that the bahu brings joy in her son’s life and that her own”satisfaction” should be secondary. This understanding converts a HOUSE into a SWEET HOME .She should not waste her time in finding faults in bahu and exaggerate the incidents to her son, who then confronts his wife, who now a days are not ”bholi bhallies”. They would retaliate and one thing leads to another giving birth to a “Divorce”.
Broken marriage create very sad situation. A male divorce is like the last resort in a arranged marriage. He either gets a ”girl” who is widow/ divorcee (with or without extra baggage i e children) or “is a leftover on the shelf” .For the ”girl” she might get a widower with some grown up children (who will distaste her) or a man who is ”not a man anymore” but want someone to cook for him, look after his children and take care of him (change his diapers God forbids if it comes to that) and for this, he will save her the agony of not be a ”spinster” all her life, he will give her 3 meals a day and needless to say roof over her ”sindoored” head . How sad!